I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
