he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Vodka?
Forever.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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