There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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