It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
50% drunk capacity currently
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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