as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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