I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
