he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
