I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
