i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
