I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
