you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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