I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
