if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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