Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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