I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
