im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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