omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
