I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
