Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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