How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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