i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize