You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
