jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
