neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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