sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
