happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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