This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Panties = found
Randomize
