Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
