how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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