my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
