just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
