mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
