fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
