...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
