I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
