Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
