Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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