we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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