so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
