I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
