Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
