giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
