if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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