You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
