If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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