Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
