nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
