weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
