Hey man sorry I got all grabby
wat bout pragnant strippers??
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
