yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
