I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
