She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
