Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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