There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
