i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
