put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
