It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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