girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
