shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
