M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
