Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
