I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
her facebook's as public as her vagina
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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