My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
