Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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