I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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