I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
