pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You're a waste of cheezeits
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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