David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
