For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
