That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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