so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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