My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
