"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize