I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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