this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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