I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
