see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
