Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
