omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
