he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
