i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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